Inspired.

Welcome!

Last week, I read a blog post by Michelle Black and I thought it would be a good idea to use her post as insperation as my first post on my new blog!

She titled it "Inspiration Exercise: Breathe Life Into Your Work"

In her post, she asks a few questions.

What is your motivation?

This did take me a few days to come up with an answer. Instantly, I thought to myself "my motivation is my son." Yes, that is true but...

Last weekend, I kept thinking about this question, over and over, in my mind. My answer didn't really hit me until I was standing in line waiting to go down a water slide with my husband and brothers. We took a mini vacation to Great Wolf Lodge, which is an indoor water park.

I was a victim of a tragedy on August 24, 2006. While I was inside, my house exploded. Leaving me 70% burnt and 90% scarred. Picture me, standing in line with a one piece bathing suit on. Of course, if you saw me, you'd be curious too. Well, as always (when I'm just chilling out in my bathing suit, that I adore myself in, I must add), I seem to get a lot of people who glance at me. Only a few times have people glared. While we were waiting in line, there was another line right beside us waiting for a different slide. There were 4 17-20 year old girls and a boy. One of the girls glanced over and noticed my legs. As we walked up she began to notice the rest of my scars (back and arms, maybe even a little on my face). Expecting it, she pointed me out to her friends.
I've never minded the stares, I've ignored the glances and even some of the glares but I could not help but notice, as they all discovered my scarred body, how one of the girl's reacted. I don't know what to think of her reaction but she seemed as if she felt sorry for me but was also disgusted by me. They then pointed me out to the guy standing with them and he glanced back and loud enough for all to hear said "Daaamnnn." Then, they continued to snicker and laugh. I told my brothers and husband to cool it, they weren't the one's they were talking about and that it didn't matter.
We continued to see them through out our stay and even though I was bothered by them and they did make me feel very uncomfortable, I just walked by them with pride, ignoring the fact that they were even there.

The tragedy has left me with scars for all to see. They'll never go away and they'll always be there reminding me of the day that changed my life forever. But, it didn't change my life for the worst. I honestly believe it changed my life for the better. The tragedy has led me to the things I have today. A wonderful husband, a beautiful son, another bundle of joy on the way, an aspiring career... It changed my view on life.

So, there is more to my motivation than just my son. It's the life that has lead me to my son and where I am now.


Why do you take photographs?
(Or for those of you that don't, why do you do whatever it is you love to do?)

A photograph isn't just a piece of paper or a digital file... A photograph to me is a memory. One that shows emotion, it can make you smile or it can make you cry.

Before I had my son, I would simply take photographs for the beauty of it. To try and create a piece of art. Yes, I still do that now. But, my reasoning has changed. I take photographs to capture the memories I don't want my son, myself or my family to forget. I want us to be able to look at a photograph and remember how we felt, what we were doing, why it was taken. I want the photos I take of them to let them know how much I love them and how beautiful they are to me. I want them to be able to remember me and I want to be able to remember them, even if it is by looking at a simple photograph.

Not only do I want to do this for my son, myself or my family, but I want to do this for my clients and future clients as well. I want them to be able to remember the moment their photographs were taken, why they were taken and how they felt.

I simply take photographs to capture memories.

What makes you feel happy?
My son's smile. My son's laugh. His eyes. His voice. His kisses. His hugs. When he cuddles with me. Everything about him. Feeling my nugget (baby #2) kick me, the little butterflies he/she creates. My husband when he gets home. His kisses. His hugs. Pretty weather. Being able to go out on a walk or to the park. Being able to take my camera outside! Compliments, about anything that has to do with me and any part of my life. When people say they're jealous of my family life, may sound conceited or snarky but it reassures me that this is a good life. My fat orange kitty cat named Twinky. Road trips. Cleanliness. My camera. Capturing a great photo, one I can't wait to share. Lightroom (hehe, seriously.) My LightScoop ;). Getting phone calls or random texts. The phrase "I love you." Children. My family, the few that I consider my family. God, when I talk to Him.

What makes you feel sad?
How time flies, it goes too fast. Sad endings to a movie. Cloudy days (most of the time.) When I see a newborn on TV. When I realize my battery is low on my camera! When my son cries and I can't do anything about it. When people say they're jealous of my family life, because I wish everyone could enjoy/experience this the way I do. Money. My "burn book" of photos from when I was in the hospital and newspaper articles about me. Confrontation. Death. The thought of my loved ones not being around one day. When my husband cries. When I say things I don't mean. When I don't get what I want ;). Remembering all that I have lost especially the rememberance or photographs of my lost kitty cat, Salami. Sometimes, my skin/scars.

There are many more things that make me happy and sad but that's good enough for me to share before I start crying ;).

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Michelle asked us to read everything we had previously written out loud to ourselves. She asks if it is me? Am I really the one who is speaking? Yes. Yes, it is me. This took me a week and a half to come up with. Little by little, I'd sit down at the computer and type out my answers. But, I would think about them all day/week long until I finally wrote them down. And, after reading through that all... I was almost in tears. This means so much to me. Everything I have written is me and it is the truth. It's my life and I try and put these emotions and feelings into every photograph I take.

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When you see others succeeding, are you happy for them? Do you allow this to become a part of your motivation?

When I see others succeeding, I am envious of them because I want to get that far some day. I want to be known as a photographer and I want people to love my work. But, I don't hold this against those who are succeeding. I am very happy for them. I don't look at it as "I wish that were me" but as "hey, they started out where I am and look at them now. That could be me some day." I do allow this to become a part of my motivation. When I see other photographer's work, I'm inspired! I may not have the oppurtunities they have yet but I could and maybe some day I will.

If you set aside the need for recognition, how would that affect your productivity? Would you still love to do what you do if you knew for certain that you would never achieve some sort of status?

I have set aside the need for recognition right now. I know that this is going to take time and I want to know what I am doing before I put myself out there. I have had a few clients and I may have a few more before I try to go into full business but right now, I'm experiencing. I'm trying to find my own style and self. I'm trying to learn more about my camera and more of the technical aspects. I have thought about this and sometimes it brought me down but even if I do try to succeed and never achieve some sort of status, I will still love what I do. Because, I'm doing this for me. This is what I want to do. I will keep learning and taking photographs to capture memories for my son, myself and my family whether I achieve some sort of status or not.

Thank you for reading :).

-Michelle